Part 3: Finding Direction and Overcoming Obstacles

After my time in Heidelberg, Germany, I returned to Ireland with a mix of experiences and a deepened sense of what I wanted—or rather, what I didn't want—from my career and life. The 18mths spent in Heidelberg during which the Berlin wall came down had been an enriching experience in terms of language, cultural exposure, responsibility and a modicum of independence. I had even attended an event in the famous an stunning Heidelberg Schloss/Castle. I had spent multiple long working holidays with my au-pair family in Italy and Switzerland, I had one road trip to Norway, with my norwegian girlfriend and sister in arms for the duration of my Heidelberg stay, which lead all the way to Denmark and across to Bergen where she was from, on the ferry. However, none of this helped to resolve the uncertainty that had been brewing within me about my future direction which had to be addressed at some point.

After a year and a half, as the decided date for returning to Ireland loomed, despite an offer to continue au-pairing that I really couldn't contemplate, I had come to the realisation that staying any longer than the original year planned plus the agreed extra six months completed, would be tantamout to avoidance of moving forward with life. I had to think well and fast about what was to come next because planning for my future didn't come naturally to me. Hard work fine but not planning. Once more a rabbit in the headlights experience was endured. During one brainstorming session I came to realise that I had another passion. Photography. Until then, I had only ever really made use of my little 110 and a cute little 35mm instamatic and they served me well. I practically wore them out. I had never stopped snapping since I got that first little camera at age 14.

I decided that on my return I would pursue this creative avenue. Since I was broke, I could only apply to courses that were free. So I applied to DIT in Dublin as a mature student for which I had to wait another year. I also applied to do a City an Guilds course with FAS simply because it had 'Repro Photography' (for print purposes) and graphics which was comfortably close to art. That was a really great course which has been helpful every since.

It introduced me to computers, desk top publishing, design, printers and lots of other things. I even got a job afterwards designing and laying out the ads for a small local paper in Dublin that unfortunately didn't stick either, though I did actually enjoy it. There they worked on a different computer system and to begin with, I hadn't the experience to know how to get past that obstacle. When I finally did, due to personal differences with my boss, which ultimately caused me to develop a nervous shake, I left. 

Meanwhile, an interesting and informative night photography course in a local school inspired me to pursue photography further and subsequently through my father, who was a journalist, writer, poet and sub-editor for most of his working life, I got a great work experience placement with The Irish Press photography department, tagging along with some of their talented professional photo journalists. This experience was completely outstanding and eyeopening, to say the least.

Armed with my new trusty second hand Nikon 501 bought in Birminghams photography shop on the Quays in Dublin, I got some great photo ops let me tell you, free materials and free reign in the dark room which was of great benefit, as long as I didn't get in the way.

I attended various AGMs, the Four Courts once, when the Aga Khan was attending. There was a serious scramble for 'the shot' then. Mine came out just a little blurry. I met Britt Eckland on the tails of an official photographer, at the airport and even photographed Charles Haughey at an official opening of a new an Aer Lingus hanger. I got to go everywhere the press could go, at any event where I accompanied them, more or less. I was not interested in celebrities much however, nor was I interested in glitzy events or important high talks and political meetings so the subject matter and editorial aims were not really my bag. Still, I watched and learned. I saw their focused expressions as they elbowed their way to get the shots. I observed the pressure they were under to get back with the film, get it processed, printed and dried with a quote and a by-line, ready for insertion. They were very tolerant to allow me to tag along. When my interview came up for DIT I had an interesting portfolio, not presented very well, I can see in hindsight, but they could tell I was serious about photography due to my energy and enthusiasm, the stint with the photographers and the FAS course already under my belt. I was in.

Meanwhile, cycling in and out of the city at all hours from my parents house, I juggled various jobs to fund my pursuits. I was employed at various occupations and establishments in and around Dublin, including though not limited to Bewley's Cafes in Grafton St and Westmoreland St, a Best Western call centre taking bookings through German, The Conrad International in housekeeping and laundry. I also did a few stints in reception for an orthodontist, refused a dental nurse training opportunity at the dental practice and then there was house sitting and babysitting and other 'enriching' jobs such as data entering which lay across town, in a far flung outpost of an industrial centre in a Dublin suburb, somewhere. While these roles provided practical skills and some financial support, they obviously were only for that, but they didn't ultimately pay enough to fund my projects satisfactorily. I was also bored beyond belief, way out of my comfort zone often ripped with anxiety because I could see no way out of the cycle. I emmersed myself in photography in the Dublin Institute of Photography over four years moving to a bedsit in Rathmines eventually and including a gap year where I went to the Isle of Man to earn some 'proper money', I thought, by working eventually, in Benetton. Finally, on my return, I borrowed money to give myself the best chance for my final projects and graduated at twenty-six which was a significant milestone, all considered.

Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle, a routine or even a life that wasn’t yours? How did you find your way back to your passion? Share your stories in the comments below.

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Until the next installment, take care, Amanda

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